Thursday, 11 September 2008

Nash Has Moved...

my darling, you must be lost.

Everyone has moved on. The party here has come to an end, it’s over.
Sure it was fun while it lasted, but the venue has to change sometime.

Everyone has gone to the NEW
bangersandnash.com.

You should go to, you’ll like it.

Trust me.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Amy Winehouse = Rock Star...

no apologies. No regrets. Ever.



I love this chick. The world seems to hate Amy Winehouse. I have no problem with her. She behaves like an old school rock star and seems to be totally fine with it. She does not give a fuck what anyone else thinks, which is quite refreshing.

Celebs these days seem to be way too concerned with what the average person thinks of them. Like the person on the street has an opinion worth listening to - please! As a “star” it’s their job to live outrageously, so that the rest of the world can marvel at them and aspire to be like them.

Not that I think anyone should be like Amy, I mean, there is something seriously wrong with that bird. I doubt she is going to be alive for much longer. But let’s be honest, she’s a bloody hoot. Very entertaining.

You can read about her latest exploits here. In short:

“The star, 24 — who binged until 5am after ordering 48 bottles of whisky for her gig — was wrapped up in the duvet and carried away on a minder’s shoulder after being booted out by hotel bosses.

Rehab singer Amy’s entire entourage were barred from the Wellington Hotel for destroying her room and shouting at staff and guests.
The hotel said they caused £5,000 of damage, burning furniture with cigarette butts and covering carpets with booze. “

That, my darling, is awesome! You must understand that the world needs people like Amy, they balance everything out.

Play here game here. It’s an awesome time killer.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Zapiro Tells The Truth...

why does no one see it?

In case you missed Zapiro’s latest piece, like I did, see below.



That my friend is phenomenal. I can’t believe I missed it on Sunday. Anyway, it’s been all over the news for the last two days and I thought I had better show you.

You can read the full story here, basically Zapiro has come under fire for this one. It’s expected but let’s be honest, this kind of thing focuses attention on Zuma and the fuck show he is currently conducting. Will anyone do anything about it though?

Probably not.

Monday, 8 September 2008

2008 MTV Music Awards...

get’s done properly by a British bloke.



So this weekend the hottest people in the US got together and celebrated other hot people who can sing. Oh and Britney got her life back on track, sort of. Anyway, I really couldn’t give two shits about who won or who should have, if you do go here.

I do care about the people who attended and if they were hot enough to make it onto these pages. So I’ve checked out a few pics, not all, because I am rather busy. But these seem to cover most bases. Let’s have a look.

For full story click banner

Happy Ramadan...

and good luck.

It’s at times like these, times that I live and breathe, that I am glad I don’t subscribe to any particular religion. It's not that I have anything against any of them, I do, however, doubt that I have the will power and mental resolve to stick with the various commandments, rules, rituals and customs for a prolonged period of time i.e. the rest of my life.

It just seems a little too much sometimes. I mean, I barely have the time to catch the 7pm news, let alone spend an entire Saturday or Sunday in prayer, or my Friday lunchtime kneeling on a mat. As I’ve said before, life is all about time management, and religion just seems to take up so much time.

Besides the time, there are extra costs attached. Clothing, apparel, donations, fund raisers, books, etc, etc. I’m not sure of the total costs involved but I prefer to see a direct return from my investments.

For example, on a Sunday, I like to invest in a bucket of golf balls at the River Club and beat the hell out of 50 – 100 balls, occasionally mentioning the Lords name, as well as his sons. After, but sometimes during, the ball beating I like to enjoy a bit of the “holy wine”. It’s normally around this time that I donate a few extra rand to the waiter. I much prefer this to, say, kneeling on a step and waiting forever for a drop of cheap wine before dropping a couple of coins into a collections bag that may or may not fund the priests gambling/internet porn addiction.

Anyway, this isn’t about me. This is about those brave (?) few who have chosen not to eat for the next month or so. Happy Ramadan and good luck.




Classic.

Mother Nature Fucks With Cape Town...

Proving she can be a right whore.

What the fuck is going on? Is Mother Nature tripping on something? I doubt even Derek Van Dam knows what the bitch will do next. We (Cape Town) were teased with perfect summer conditions on Saturday, giving hope to all that summer was on the way and winter had finally buggered off.

Then we were hit with, what could only have been a tropical monsoon, possibly even a tornado. Thank God I had recently restocked my storm cellar and boarded up all of my windows. And so I spent my Sunday safely 30m underground watching Dexter (Season 2 nog al), eating baked beans out of the tin enjoying the quiet hum of the generator in the background.

Today was no better, I almost drowned whilst driving my car this morning. Anyway, sometime good things come from Mother Natures mood swings. Remember last week, when the bitch tried to kill us? She sent some pretty nasty shit our way, but not all of it turned out so badly.
I was browsing through wavescape.co.za this morning and came across some phenomenal storm pictures. There are quite a few, but they are all worth it. Have a look.

F.U.C.K


Kalk Bay.

Naughty...

That...will not end well.

Clovelly. Yup, Clovelly.


Besides those, I have heard some very naughty stories about secret spots, east coast perfection, and stand up barrels at Fish Hoek. Ya, read that again, break it down into key words – so you understand. Stand. Up. Barrels. Fish. Hoek.

Mental!

Send me pics if you have them.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Friday's Friend - Mila Kunis...

fits the description.

Of what you may ask. The perfect girl of course. Hair colour – check. Bra size – check. Eyes – Oh. My. God. Skin – Heavenly. Body……

Excuses On a Friday...

don’t normally go down well.

However, I must let you know my side of the story. You may have noticed the lack of posts of late. I do apologise. I have an excuse though. You see I have been working quite hard improving things around here, for you – it’s all for you.

Lacking the budget of a…well…lacking a budget all together, I have had to figure out a lot of these computer processes and programs and it has taken some time. Luckily I have been fortunate enough on the website-stuff-I-don’t-understand sort of stuff and JC has hooked me up rather nicely.

It’s just about done darling, the new site was supposed to launch today, but due to unforeseen drinking binges, things are a day or two behind. I will however give you a little peek of exactly what the new site will…..not look like.

Ha ha! Did I get you? Probably not, hey? Sorry about that.

Look, you don’t want excuses, I don’t want to give any. Just know that a new era is coming, it’s just around the corner and it’s going to touch you exactly where you want it to in a few days.

Eeeek! I can’t wait!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Elton John Owns Lily Allen...

at GQ awards.

Oh my God I have been waiting for this clip to go live on this internet for, like, an entire day now. Do you know how long that is in internet time? It’s like a month, or something. Anyway, the Elton Vs Lily clip has arrived, and it is fucking hilariouse!

Watch it now!



Whoa! That chick is boozed!

Elton did the right thing stepping back there, seeing as we all know what Lily is capable of.


Classic!

Movie Voiceover Guy Dies...

In a world where... movie previews are everything – Don LaFontaine is the king.

Or was the king, well he still is – like Elvis. Anyway, the Goose informed me of his demise this morning, much to my horror. The guy was a legend.

“LaFontaine is credited with making more than 5,000 movie trailers in his 33-year career.
The voiceover artist was also credited for the catch-all movie phrase: "In a world where..."

There is no point in writing about this guy, you MUST experience him. Below is a clip about our boy, and below that is the phenomenal Pablo Francisco – the guy who does the film guy beautifully.

You have to watch both. Promise me. Ok well just the last one then, if you running out of time.





Movie trailers will never be the same.

Full story here.

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Like I Said...

it's all about time management.



To the left (out of frame) sits a naughty apple and cinnamon muffin, with a delightfully crispy top.

Just imagine it in your mouth, right now. Put it in. Do it. No, not so much, just little bits at a time. Don't rush the pleasure darling, it'll be over too quickly. Yes...

just like that...

Perfect.

Monday, 1 September 2008

Scorpions "Bite" Zuma...

as Nash worries about the future.


I prefer to keep these “pages” free of these sort of issues, opting to entertain you instead – well, try to at least. This story, however, I though I would cover briefly. For a change, because I’m quite concerned and somewhat pissed off.

There is no need to go into detail here. Basically, our next president – and make no mistake, he will be president, Jacob Zuma faces several (a euphemism if there ever was one) charges involving, but not limited to, racketeering, corruption, money laundering, fraud and, my personal favourite, defeating the ends of justice.

Besides Zuma, top business men/women, government officials, parliament members, etc, etc, have had charges brought against them by the Scorpions. A rough tough band of vigilantes that point fingers, falsify evidence and disrupt the transformation of this country.

Oh, wait sorry, that’s how the accused describe them. According to Wiki: “The Directorate of Special Operations (also, DSO or Scorpions) is a multidisciplinary agency that investigates and prosecutes organized crime and corruption. It is a unit of The National Prosecuting Authority of South Africa. The staff of 2000 Scorpions consist of the best police, financial, forensic and intelligence experts of South Africa.

They mainly focus on:

- Trans-national drug trafficking (something I think they could possibly relax on a bit),
- Human smuggling and trafficking
- Cross-departmental corruption in Provincial Governments.
- Organized Crime;
- Organized Corruption;
- Serious and Complex Financial Crime; and
- Racketeering and Money Laundering

Now that sounds a lot better, like an organization one would want in ones country doesn’t it. So why the fuck get rid of them, even though they have been so effective?

“By February 2004 (3 years operating), the DSO had completed 653 cases, comprising 273 investigations and 380 prosecutions.Of the 380 prosecutions, 349 resulted in convictions, representing an average conviction rate of 93,1%.”

That’s quite the track record. It’s interesting then that the majority of the pressure to disband the Scorpions, in light of their success, comes from government. Why would that be? Is it purely due to their (the Scorpions) “attack” on comrade Zuma? Surely not. Why would the leaders of our country stand in the way of justice? Do they perhaps have too much vested in Zuma, or something of their own to hide?

The below comment, courtesy of secretary general Zet Luzipho of the fuckshow that is Cosatu, is the reason for this post.

"If the Scorpions bite the wrong people we will kill them. Like a dog when it starts biting relatives at your home. You get rid of it. We will do the same to the Scorpions."

Firstly, scorpions don’t bite YOU FUCKING MORON! And secondly, its comments like that, which result in skilled professionals leaving this country. No one should be above the law, and when unions like Cosatu start threatening organisations, charged with bringing criminals to justice, for doing their job there is a serious problem.

Should a president or anyone in government be above the law?

Ahem...Zimbabwe…Mugabe…



What Would Peter De Villiers Do...

I mean, he is like Jesus.

This is just too beautiful (seen on News24). Peter “jaaa you know” De Villiers just about compared himself to Jesus Christ after his side, the Springboks, demolished the Australians. This is what he had to say.

"The same people who threw their robes on the ground when Jesus rode on a donkey were the same people who crowned him and hit him with sticks and stuff like that, and were the same people who said afterwards how we shouldn't have done that, he's the son of God," de Villiers said.

"So that's exactly what we do. You have to look at history is repeating itself, and I'm not saying that I'm God."

De Villiers really said that. You can’t make that shit up. I just love the “and stuff like that” bit. The “history is repeating itself” is quite phenomenal as well. But seriously, who can’t see the similarities between De Villiers’s story and the big JC. It’s like they are the same person.

Jaaaa you know…

Friday, 29 August 2008

Have Sex With Whomever You Want...

you hear me.

Models, mothers, girls, guys (if that's your thing), etc, etc, ETC. You can do exactly what you want if you win todays UK Lottery. It's sitting somwhere around R1 BILLION. I say around because, let's be honest, the exact figure doesn't matter at all. It's too much money to spend.

I already have my tickets. You should get yours now. If I win I'll take you to Spain for the weekend. If you win how about slipping 10% my way? Deal?

Sweet!

Buy your tickets now!


PlayEuroMillions.com - win up to 183 million Euro


Click that flashing thing.

Click!

Click!

Click!

ROCKnROLLA...

another look, because it's that good.



Not sure when this is opening here (sometime soon I think), but fuck me it looks amazing!

Kate Moss Almost Naked...

a little taste.


I'll put the rest of this photo shoot up at a later stage. Now, using the power of your mind, remove all of her clothes. Beautiful. I just wanted to give you an idea of what you can expect sometime soon.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Michael Jackson At 50...

Interesting...


I'm not too sure about this entire picture.
Firstly Mike looks very uncomfortable. Let's not even get into the carpet, or his pants. Shall we chat about the glasses? No? Ok, how about the chin? The nose? No?
I suppose you are right. Let's just forget we ever saw this.
Ctrl + Alt + Del

Can Someone Please Explain...

what the fuck is going on with our weather.

Please, I just want to know if I should pack away the thermal underwear, or buy another set of long johns. Yesterday was phenomenal, a little cool, but perfectly clear. Today is a rain drop short of a full blown tropical monsoon.

At times like these I turn to the people who have a better understanding of high pressure zones and cold fronts. I turn to the guys who make a living out of guessing if it’s going to be a sunny or cloudy day – weather men.

And so it was that I came across (not on) Derek Van Dam. Cape Town’s Favourite Son first brought this guy to my attention when he told of his goose’s lust for him – not ideal at all. Since then I have found out that Shaun is not alone in his dilemma, it seems South Africa’s female population is in lust with Derek Van Dam, or DVD.

I, however, have my reservations about this guy. He seems a little too good to be true. He “the perfect guy” according to those people equipped with ovaries. He even has a blog called To Follow a Dream, or is it Compassionate Africa?



“This is the second edition of my Africa Blogsite. I am moving March 24th, 2008 to Cape Town, South Africa to pursue a job opportunity and humanitarian work that God has laid before me.”

Mmmm…I’m not convinced. I strongly suspect DVD is actually a slave trader. His humanitarian front isn’t fooling me. It’s obvious. Come now. Wake up girls.

He’s also a little condescending during his weather reports. He has a sort of I-know-exactly-what-I-am-talking-about-you-idiot-oh-and-I-am-banging-your-wife vibe going. I really don’t appreciate it.

I think it’s the hand movements that get me. A little too flashy for South Africa television. Flash, exaggerated hand movements might have cut it in the States, but here in SA we want slow, simple hand movements. I have my suspicions they are actually some sort of human traffickers sign language.

Point-open hand-flick wrist-twirl hand-close fist actually translates to I have three 16-year-old Zulu girls in a container on its way to you.

Have a look.



You see. There is something dodgy about this guy.

Girls, he might be good looking, and a humanitarian, and a good weather man, and you might want him inside you, but be warned, after a night with DVD you will most likely wake up two kidneys short, in a bath full of ice.

You have been warned.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Elevator Phone Sex...

not ideal.

Oh Lordy darling, you HAVE to watch this. It is, in two words, PHENOMENAL!


See more funny videos at Funny or Die



Make your butthole call me the Captain.”

Hilarious!

PS:

I do realise these last few posts have been rather short. They will get better baby, as soon as I have finished with the new site…uh…gotten over my hangover. There is no new site, move along.

Nothing to see here.

Paris Launches The Bandit...

it's a small hair band.


That's how our princess rolls. She has had a massive launch for, what is essentially, a hair band. Though, I think she may have just wanted a bit of attention. Of course, there is nothing wrong with Paris wanting, or getting, attention. Let's have another look.


Lovely.