Can Someone Please Explain...

what the fuck is going on with our weather.

Please, I just want to know if I should pack away the thermal underwear, or buy another set of long johns. Yesterday was phenomenal, a little cool, but perfectly clear. Today is a rain drop short of a full blown tropical monsoon.

At times like these I turn to the people who have a better understanding of high pressure zones and cold fronts. I turn to the guys who make a living out of guessing if it’s going to be a sunny or cloudy day – weather men.

And so it was that I came across (not on) Derek Van Dam. Cape Town’s Favourite Son first brought this guy to my attention when he told of his goose’s lust for him – not ideal at all. Since then I have found out that Shaun is not alone in his dilemma, it seems South Africa’s female population is in lust with Derek Van Dam, or DVD.

I, however, have my reservations about this guy. He seems a little too good to be true. He “the perfect guy” according to those people equipped with ovaries. He even has a blog called To Follow a Dream, or is it Compassionate Africa?



“This is the second edition of my Africa Blogsite. I am moving March 24th, 2008 to Cape Town, South Africa to pursue a job opportunity and humanitarian work that God has laid before me.”

Mmmm…I’m not convinced. I strongly suspect DVD is actually a slave trader. His humanitarian front isn’t fooling me. It’s obvious. Come now. Wake up girls.

He’s also a little condescending during his weather reports. He has a sort of I-know-exactly-what-I-am-talking-about-you-idiot-oh-and-I-am-banging-your-wife vibe going. I really don’t appreciate it.

I think it’s the hand movements that get me. A little too flashy for South Africa television. Flash, exaggerated hand movements might have cut it in the States, but here in SA we want slow, simple hand movements. I have my suspicions they are actually some sort of human traffickers sign language.

Point-open hand-flick wrist-twirl hand-close fist actually translates to I have three 16-year-old Zulu girls in a container on its way to you.

Have a look.



You see. There is something dodgy about this guy.

Girls, he might be good looking, and a humanitarian, and a good weather man, and you might want him inside you, but be warned, after a night with DVD you will most likely wake up two kidneys short, in a bath full of ice.

You have been warned.